Imperfection leads to failure but failure is not the dead end- it is just a milestone leading one towards the journey of attaining perfection. Two years in the field of journalism and a year of training to become a journalist have brought numerous experiences of failure and self discovery. It has instilled in me a confidence to become the best with the skills I possess. By nature I am very outspoken and stubborn- skills that I learnt can be directed to a positive direction. I was put into marketing section of Bhutan Times when the company started downsizing. It did hurt a writer’s ego. Unaware of what I was, I resigned with a hurt ego. In between I forgot I had more to give with the skills that was inborn that was more of a promoter of the company as a marketing officer. As I look back I realize that my boss was right when he said that my personality suited more towards marketing. Having so much potential and knowing it with upright confidence, I am looking for a platform to pursue a career which would sharpen my skills in becoming one of the best in the country. I remain as a woman with sky-rocketing dreams and the acceptance to follow what she has rather than what she wants to do.

I looked for you everywhere. I dint find you. But I consoled myself. A hope you may call it. Sometimes it faced stampede, sometimes broke like the precious glass. I dint mind wiping the tears. I wore a bandage on my heart to keep it intact. I faked a smile.

Then you appeared slow like a turtle but finally. I took you in my arms, in my heart. I was happy.

You taught me amazing things- Learnt to be patient when you stood me up for hours, smile and cry at the same time, the excitement I got making you smile, pride stood up when we walked hand in hand and a different aroma of the usual rose I had smelt before.

But you never said there was forever. True there wasn’t one.

You turned your back and left. I waited for the rain to cry. Sad music surrounded me.

I am strong. I pretended. Then you walked pass by me. I got back to what I was, a cry baby.

I said I could live without you next to me. I saw your face. I wanted to hold you so tight never to leave you.

Hell guys! became my attitude. I remembered you. You made me forget my own words.

Was it the love I wanted to see in your eyes too much?

Time heals everything. I forget you. I live my life as though nothing happened.

Then walks in another turtle, I take him in my arms and my heart. How did I forget it was yet another turtle?

I cry again in the rain. Hear the same music. Drown myself in the same grief.

You all walk in and out of my life. My life as though a corridor and my heart just like the guest room adjacent to the corridor. But I say it now. I have had enough. I mean it more than I have meant it every time you all walked away. I am done crying, looks like my tear glands ran dry. Not a word to spare in my diary, for it is full. And this is what I have to say to you all:

Don’t tell me to look back at you, coz I won’t

Love would be what I feel for you, No! Coz I don’t.

Expect me to cry for you in the rain- forget it

Include you in my wishes and prayers-you expect too much

You turn around. You want me to follow you- I ain’t your shadow

You say I am ugly- look who’s talking

You come in my dreams? - Ever heard of nightmares?

Wait for you till eternity- I ain’t got much time

Cuddle around you when you push me away? – I ain’t your puppy

Put on the best smile around you- oopsie! I have cavities

Write poems for you? – Wordsworth died long time ago

Have a good life- hell sure I will!

[Note: For all those who faced the grief of unreturned love. For all those who cried in the rain. Just a reminder- HE IS NOT WORTH YOUR WOES]

My heaven feels so far away. Departed dreams and wishful deeds, way above. A moment of a lifetime, as though a fog and your presence just like a mystery unrevealed, like it never was.

The pictures say something else. Your smiles are matched with mine. And those smiles I have, sitting next to you, are those I keep looking for.

But where are you?

How far would it take for me to find you?

Do you look with those same eyes with pride for me from above?

A spark of ambition his eyes of pride would give me, shame would blush my cheeks with his eyebrows bent. Since this vision has failed with your departure, where do I find my dreams, my ambition, and my lust for life?

Often mistaking stars for fireflies, I reach out to grab it. When air fills my hand, to reveal nothing I try to recollect what I was looking for, a star or a firefly. This is what happened to my dreams, my departed dreams.

Love has all its shades. Sometimes it loots like a thief all your peace of mind. Yet makes you feel you got nothing to lose. For love is just a feeling stored in your heart and nothing could ever wither it. Nah! Not a thing to be stolen.
I have fallen in love without using my sense of sight. It is crazy to believe I share this feeling with a guy, far far away. Not even a glimpse of him but I relate to him this feeling of love.
Just like the soft breeze blowing, you don’t know from which direction it blows but you can feel it. That is what I do, feel his presence with my eyes closed.
I lose in myself when a thought of him passes my mind. No! I don’t miss him. For, he is there wherever I am, never to let go.
Just for this once I felt for someone with my eyes closed. The feelings that I feel matters more than the longing I have to see him.
Love is not always about togetherness, it’s greater when you feel it rather than see it.
Of course! I do complain a lot. I say, "I wish I could be seeing someone like him in real." But the fact is I am with him closer than anyone who might be holding each others hands.
It’s just a gap between reality and a dream.
Dreams may not always come true but who said realities always do. Far apart, all that matters is the feelings. And that’s what I have for him.
The feelings then become the bridge between reality and dreams. Just cross it and you are there wherever you want, dream or reality.
Dad might have gone, walked far away from me but my eyes cannot see doesn’t mean I don’t love him. He stays right there in my heart. To love some one, believe me we don’t need the physical presence. Just the feeling that they might be breathing somewhere is more than enough.
It’s a beautiful feeling to just feel the presence of someone who is not even near.
I smile just looking at the screen, often laugh at his mails. Crazy! Others might think but feelings are just what I have.
When I close my eyes to pray for something I don’t wish for his presence, I wish this love that I have for him grow stronger everyday.
Just like the morning light, I just want to spread my wings and rise above everything filling his heart with love, love that will never die.
Ah! This is not a tale of Romeo and Juliet. It’s just an ordinary tale with an extraordinary circumstance. I just am in love with some one I haven’t seen. It is just a lesson that in love it’s not that eyes meet and you have to hold hands to make it stronger. It’s just the feeling that matters in the end.
And I live with the feeling that never makes me feel incomplete for I know he breathes somewhere filling up the blank spaces.
Not everyone expects life would turn out to be this way or that way. Of course I never thought he might turn up this way. Like anything, I just got to live my life as it sails through.